We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
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Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
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Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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