it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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