I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
