pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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