i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
