No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
