I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Quick, to the slutcave!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I want to fling myself into the sun
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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