True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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