if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
