My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
