Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize