Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
