My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
