Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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