i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
