i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
