I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
