How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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