He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
