that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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