fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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