I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
