so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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