he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
