After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
