My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
