I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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