Old men and throwing up are my life now.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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