i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
