Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
