i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
