"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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