Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
