They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
