Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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