you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
