They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
