You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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