He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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