party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
