drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
