Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
