I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
