did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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