His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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