alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
