thus making me awesome and them whores
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
