dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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