The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
