she's into porn, im staying here tonight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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