so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
