woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
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You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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