Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
