My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship