I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!