I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?