I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
3 2 1 whiskey
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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