you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
