then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
did i walk over a car last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
