I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize