You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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