was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
