dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
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I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
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Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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