can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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